I divorced Syd’s mom five years ago and I was awarded custody. I knew I was going to need a lot of help raising a girl into a young woman. I mean realistically how will I explain how to use feminine products? I don’t know nuffin about this type of stuff, so I enlisted the help of several women that I knew could help and guide me in getting through certain issues.
One of the things I had to learn how to do was Sydney’s hair. Syds hair is long and extremely coarse. Mine is white boy curly. All I have to do is throw some water and a comb in my hair and I am good for the day. Syd on the other hand, WHOOO!!! You gotta put damn near a nuclear reactor in her hair to get it to set for the day. ….THE DAY!!!! I asked my niece’s mom Tonya to teach me how to do Syd’s hair and we start with the basics, a comb and two afro puffs. She shows me something called tangle remover and says, “This stuff will help you when you comb through her hair.” What the hell? There is a product to spray in your hair to “untangle” it? I thought that was what a comb was for. She is putting this product liberally in her hair and I am thinking, “I woulda used water. It’s cheaper” but what do I know. She massages her scalp and slowly starts combing through Syds hair for damn near twenty minutes. “Wait, I gotta give my daughter a massage every morning BEFORE school AND I have to comb slowly….for twenty MINUTES? Do you know what time we will have to get up to make this happen?” Aww hell naw!!!
Tonya finishes up massaging and combing Syd’s hair and I have to admit it looks really…..Jheri curled. I thought that product was an untangler not a curler!!!! WTF???? She then grabs mounds of hair and starts pulling it to the left. She keeps combing and pulling, combing and pulling. Now I see the center of Syds scalp. Tonya takes a rubber bandy thing and does some sort of Houdini type shit with her hand, wrist, comb, hair and….damn an afro puff. She then repeats on the other side, comb, pull, comb, pull, Houdini type shit with her hand, wrist, comb, hair and….poof another afro puff. She then looks at me and says, “Got it?” BWAHHAHAHAH #HELLNAWIAINTGOTIT!!!