“You will never be more than what you are in this company.” I left work, went home but I could not shake those words from my head to the point I did something I had never done before. I talked to God. “Lord, Everything I have ever wanted I got or I did it but today I am nowhere. Obviously my way is not working and I give up. What do you want from me? Whatever you want me to do just tell me cause I’m tired. I can’t do this anymore. I turn it over to you.” At that point I let it go. I went back to work but I never forgot those words that were said to me. “You will never be more than what you are in this company.”
About 6 months later God spoke to me (my spirit) and told me what He wanted me to do. The only question I had at that point was how was I supposed to do what He was directing me to do? I literally said, “I don’t have that kind of money“, but that was it and I never heard from Him again on the subject. I would call on God daily to get more answers and….nothing. At one point I start feeling like maybe it was my imagination, kind of like how people felt when Mary said Gabriel spoke to her about having Jesus. I continued to go to work waiting on God to speak to me again. I wish I could tell you it got easier at work but it didn’t. I watched people get hired and go in to new positions above me and some even retired but I stayed where I was, no growth, no change. Think of me as Red in Shawshank minus the murder part of course BUT one thing did change.
That conversation with God sparked something in me to realize that the words, “Put your head down” was keeping me from growing into what God had planned for me. Because I tried to do EVERYTHING myself and never talked to God first nothing I did worked. I let the teacher tell me I wasn’t smart. I decided I was not good in math. I decided to be a producer and I let someone tell me I wasn’t needed. When these things failed I decided to be a corporate American and guess what??? THAT FAILED TOO!!! “You will never be more than what you are in this company” but I was changing and for the first time in my life I was listening to what was being said instead of hearing what I wanted to hear.
I learned I was presumptuous to do things without asking God first. 100% of the crap I put myself in never would have happened IF I had asked Him first. I learned I was an arrogant dude (I still am but I am working on it) and all of my mistakes were based on bad decisions that didn’t include a prayer to God first. I was reminded that God had a plan for me all along but I chose to ignore it.
Don’t get me wrong I still make mistakes and “decide” I’m going to do something without checking with Him however, I do reign myself in and talk with God. I basically say, “God thank you for ALL that you have done for me, protecting my family, letting us wake up in the morning, things I can’t even remember. I don’t say that to get through a quick prayer Lord. I say it because I know there are things you do for me, my family and friends that I know nothing of. I appreciate what you have done for me.”
Over the years I have learned a lot about myself. I was sitting at my desk looking at a spreadsheet formula that I created and had that AHA moment that linked the teacher and the interviewer. That statement, “You will never be more than what you are in this company” and “put your head down”….they were wrong. I am MORE than either of them thought I could be. I am really smart with regards to math. Internally I heard, “You manage a $30 million inventory using mathematical equations. You train people and most have gone on to better positions. You are not dumb.” Recently a co-worker said to me, “Maybe you are here to make sure WE all get to keep our jobs” and that is something to think about.
I also learned that all of those years as a DJ, making beats, writing songs and then going in the studio learning how to mix was a part of His plan as well. I was able to use those gifts to be the sound engineer for my church. What’s interesting about this is I NEVER planned to do it. The ministry was looking for help and I volunteered. Later on our Pastor told me, “You are the best sound engineer we have ever had.” Do you KNOW how powerful a statement that was for me? Yeah…..
I still have music in my bones and I wrote my first song in 20 years this past summer. I will admit that I actually procrastinated and should have been working on the music years ago but don’t judge me. This is a one day at a time progression.
Oh that’s right; I didn’t tell you the plan. Part of it it is to let you read this and learn from my mistakes. I was given this scripture to illustrate the point. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10NIV basically says not to brag on yourself but let your weakness’s lift the Kingdom.
I heard a sermon from Bishop TD Jakes called "Secret Agents Of Change". Click the link on the left to watch. In this sermon he talks about how certain people are placed in your path to force you into your purpose. When I heard the sermon it made sense as to who these people are. I no longer put my head down and I do not allow negativity to enter my space.
Last, Go back to my series page and listen to the song called "Feels Good." It is written by yours truly with lyrics and vocals by Michael Forsh.