Every year the company provides a “holiday” meal for Christmas. They call it the “holiday meal” because corporate America can’t say “Christmas” smh. The morning of the meal Tammy walks by my desk and stops, “Sean look” and puts out a plastic bowl full of something but I can’t see and I have no idea what it is. She puts it closer to me…OH SH!!!! It’s Tammy’s famous macaroni and cheese. I’m like a fat kid with cake happy and clapping my hands, Hercules, Hercules!!!
Tammy makes the absolute BEST macaroni and cheese I have EVER had. It’s creamy with a little bite from the sharp cheese but she has some type of seasoning (cocaine, crack, meth, weed) in it that no one can figure out hence the nickname I've given it, crackaroni and cheese. It’s better than my grandma’s and even mine, yeah I said it. Whenever she brings it to the office it’s usually gone within the hour. People stand around scooping it up like they ain’t never ate mac n cheese before, me included. All you hear is lips smacking and, “thith ith thum gud mahcaronincheeth”
I’ve asked for the recipe and her response, “It’s got a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Put it in the oven and bake til it look good.” Um…ok??? How do you measure a “lil bit”, what temperature do I put the oven on and what time is “til it look good”? These are not standard cooking techniques. I need precise measurements and baking times. She says, “Boy I don’t know I just make it.” Damn, another famous recipe that will never be replicated.
Anyway, Tammy starts walking away with the bowl. She says it’s for the luncheon and then walks the bowl into the other office and hands it to Simi. Wait, HUH??? I hear Tammy say, “Simi is leaving early today. I want to make sure he gets some before he leaves.”
Now lemme provide a lil back story. Every year I ask Tammy for her FAMOUS crackaroni and cheese and sometimes she will make it and sometimes she won’t. It just depends on if she has the time. One year she made a casserole dish of it just for me and I ate it ALL before I left work. OK, let’s just say I ate it all before lunch. About an hour later I wash the dish out and hand it back to her. She looks at me surprised and says, “You ate it ALL just now?” “Yup!! It sat on my desk just long enough for me to heat it up in the microwave.”
Fast forward to today and I’m feelin some kinda way. I go in the other office and say, “I’ve known Tammy for fifty-elevin years (that’s hood talk for “a very long time” and we actually say Fit/e/leh/m) and every year I have to BEGGGG for the crackaroni and cheese. You been here MAYBE a year and she brings you the first scoop. Really?!? Strick is laughing hard and says, “Yeah, Simi, you ain’t put the time in. We known her longer.” We all are laughing as Simi leans back and says, “Hey, What can I say. I got it like that.” I go to Tammy’s desk and repeat the story. I tell her, “That’s when you know your sh!! is good. Folks talking about it before it’s even eaten.” Tammy busts out laughing.
True to form the crackaroni is almost gone and it’s only been fifteen minutes. I didn’t even eat the rest of the luncheon food. I had two plates of crack n cheese and now I have the itis (i/tis is slang for that drowsy sleepy feeling you get after eating a large meal). Thanks Tammy. I’m out, literally.