First let me say I am NOT an expert on marriage. Being married is a work in progress and every day I learn something new or different. That’s neither a good thing nor a bad thing. It simply means I try to understand Andrea more. NOW having said that, Andrea and I have been married for close to three years and I’ll tell you what I told her. “You make it easy to love you.”
What I mean by that is contrary to media perceptions of marriage I have learned all I have to do is be myself. I don’t have to sit with Andrea and watch Alana Vansant call people belove-ed and butcher people’s lives on the OWN network to show I love her. I don’t have to be able to pay tall stacks of bills in a single payment. I don’t have to buy shit tons of bling to show my love and I don’t have to “keep up with the Jones’s” and stay broke tryna look good. Look up in the sky, it’s a bird, a plane, no it’s zero debtman.
Andrea has never put stipulations on me about anything. I don’t have to buy her Gucci handbags, blue diamonds, things I couldn't even pronounce (apologies to Oran Juice Jones). Someone please tell me why the hell a Loubutton shoe cost $700?!?!? That’s a full set of tires on the SUV with warranty. All I have to do is be me and doing that is easy.
Because of this I use my ways of showing the love and affection that I have for her in the ways that I know how. I love making her laugh. I try to find something funny in everything we see or do. I make sure her car is clean and detailed, weather permitting. By the way, why do you need so many ketchup packs in the center console? I ask her to marry me at least once a day. She betnot say no now. I’d be so pissed. Sometimes I hand her the remote so she can choose something for us to watch. Yeah I know, a man turning over the remote. #whodathunkit.
I know if I touch her shoulders or rub her back a certain way she will melt like butter and most times fall asleep. I know she likes different soaps so if I see something I think she will like I will get it for her. She has this pet peeve about not farting under the covers while she sleeps. She doesn’t like that, no Bueno. I can count 3-2-1 and she will fall asleep sometimes before I finish saying one. She will wake up and call me Geppetto, “I am not Pinocchio. Quit Gepettoin me.” LOL
The main thing that makes it easy for me to love Andrea is simply being able to talk with her. The operative word is “with”. Most people talk at you. I talk with her and I hear what she says. Our conversations allow me to better understand her opinions, beliefs, wants, needs, desires, dreams and goals. With that information I can figure out how to best help her achieve the result she desires and that’s a part of who I am, a results driven person.
When Andrea tells me something I said or did doesn’t sit right with her I listen and evaluate the situation. 99% of the time I hear and see her point of view and explain what I was trying to say or do. Most of the time we (people in general) think or do something in one context but it’s taken in another. Love should allow you to swallow your pride and admit your mistakes.
Don’t get me wrong, we don’t always agree on what we are talking about but we respect each other’s ideas and opinions. In fact one day we spent 2 ½ hours discussing the devils role in people’s choice to do right or wrong with very different opinions. The question was do you have a choice to do wrong or does the devil direct (possess) you to do wrong and you don’t have a choice. Another time we were planning our vacation trip and Andrea mentioned Airbnb for lodgings. I don’t care for Airbnb because I feel this idea is overhyped and not worth the money plus it could physically put us in a bad or crime ridden location. I must have rolled my eyes or something because she said, “You didn’t even give it a chance” but I turned the laptop around to show her that I did take her idea into consideration even though I don’t care for Airbnb.
I say this to illustrate that we are two strong willed thinkers but without the ability to talk WITH each other these two examples could have easily turned into arguments. Again I am not saying marriage is easy or that I know what I am doing all of the time. What I am saying is find a commonality that you and your spouse have and use that to build your relationship. Once you do that you won’t have to guess or figure out how to make that person happy. You can just be you, whatever that means to you.