In my early 20’s I was a self proclaimed MAJOR Valentines Day Casanova. I was all in on the teddy bears, chocolates and fancy restaurants. Call a young lady, set up a date, wash the Caddy, get the hair cut, pull out the fly gear and scoop up the honey around 8. It was nothing for me to spend $40 bucks at Red Lobster. YEAH MAN I was a BALLER!!!!
Fast forward to my forties and I don’t see Valentines Day the same as I did when I was young man who had no idea that the day was a commercial gimmick designed to make people spend tons of money to prove that on THIS particular day love was in the air. Never mind that there are 364 additional days in the year….noooo we are going to profess our love on this ONE day. Before and after that day you can think and believe what you want about love because I PROVED my love on February 14th.
nce I woke up to this mass market system of dropping major coinage I stopped participating. Some of you are probably thinking this is a cop out and I don’t want to spend cheese on this day…..you’re right, I don’t. Instead what I do is let my wife know everyday how much I love and appreciate her. “How” you say? Allow me to explain.
Back in the day I wasn’t much of a listener. Oh I heard you but I don’t know what you were saying or talking about so there would be conversations of “I told you….” followed by me saying, “No you didn’t.” As I got older I made a conscious decision to be a better listener. When I started dating Andrea I would turn off anything that would distract me from listening and give her all of my attention. From this I learned a lot about her, her passions, dreams, aspirations, likes and dislikes. I use those pieces of information to make her happy.
As an example, I knew it would blow her mind to have Anthony as a part of her surprise birthday party. If he couldn’t have made it I honestly wouldn’t have put it together. Seeing her son is more important than a birthday party. Do you know that day trumps valentines day with her? One day she said to me, “Babe, Thank you for making sure my car is maintained. I never have to do anything to it but get in and drive. I really appreciate that.”
I know Andrea is not a fan of chain restaurants like The Olive Garden or Outback. She wants to try different types of mom and pop restaurants. Being honest that was new for me. I was used to the chains but once we started hitting one off restaurants I never wanted to go back to the “traditional” stores. Andrea wanted to try a Korean restaurant but she planned to do it without me because she knew I wasn’t keen on that type of food. One day I surprised her by suggesting we try the one we saw on a TV show called Atlanta Eats. She was totally surprised and not sure if we should go. She felt I wouldn’t like it. I convinced her that I would be fine and we tried it. Real talk….it sucked.
It sucked because we told them multiple times that we were newbie’s and needed help. They didn’t help us at all and we wound up having a horrible experience. It was so bad that we ended up at Wendy’s getting a burger and fries, yeah a chain restaurant. It was better than the Korean place. Talk about irony.
The most important thing I do (in my opinion) is profess my love for her to her everyday. I let her know she is the best person to come into my life since Sydney. I tell her everyday that I love and adore her….and I ask her to marry me everyday. “Wait, what did you just say?” I said everyday I ask her to marry me. I have asked her everyday since we got married. I did it on our honeymoon and she smiled and said, “Yes.” From that day forward I have asked her without fail.
The reason is simple. I ask her because I want her to know that I love her today as much (or better) as I did 4 ½ years ago when I first asked her. I want to hear her say yes because it lets me know that she still feels the same way (or better) today as she did when I first asked. I jokingly say, “I am so glad you said yes because I would be hurt if you said no” but truth be told it’s not a joke. If Andrea said no that would mean I have done something so bad that she no longer feels the same about me. I don’t want her to ever feel that way and I don’t want to ever feel that way about her.
These simple four words carry a lot of weight and should never be said unless you mean it plus you need a checks and balance system so what better way to make sure everything is copacetic than to ask your spouse if they still feel today how they felt when they first said I will marry you. So baby, Will you marry me?