It’s been a while since I told you about my progress on losing weight and that’s because….I gained weight. Yup picked up quite a few pounds, 30 to be exact. I know you are saying “Whoa, what happened?” Well….life happened. Remember when I told in previous stories that I am an emotional eater? The emotions don’t have to be negative. Happy gets food just as fast as stress and anger. Shoot that’s why McDonalds named the combo “Happy Meal”. How many people are going to order a “depressed meal” or a “pissed off meal”? It doesn’t work that way.
Over the last few months I have been to restaurant after restaurant, everything from fast food, fine dining and even the buffets. Recently we ate at an Indian buffet, a private owned Italian restaruant and Fogo De Chao. If you have never been to Fogo just imagine a fine dining buffet that costs $50 a plate. The wait staff put starches on your table, people walk by with the best cuts of meat sliced right onto your plate. You don’t have to get up for nothing. It’s a fat mans paradise.
By the way, there ought to be a weight limit on who gets to come in to a buffet. Real talk, have you seen how many fat people, including me, eat at Golden Corral? There’s a reason it’s called a corral. What if it was called Greenish Vegetarian? How many mo-fo’s gonna eat there? IMJS
I was talking to someone and said that I had gained back a significant portion of my weight and they said, “Oh you fell off the wagon.” No man, I didn’t fall off. I drove that thing right up to a drive thru window. Some people will eat a little square of chocolate and call that a cheat. Shoot my cheat is 3 chicken sandwiches, two large fries AND YOU BETS NOT PUT NO ICE IN MY COKE!!! I want all 64 ounces. Truth be told I’ve never fallen off the wagon, for me that’s a misnomer. I have learned how to straddle that mutha and get the food I want but the scales don’t lie and when I saw I gained 30 pounds I knew I had to strap on and ride that wagon like a buckin bronco. So last week I hit the exercise regimen hard and what I mean by that is this....
I quit eating all unhealthy foods again. I went to 4 bananas a day, a gallon of water and a huge salad with a little cheese and thousand island. I cancelled my Planet Fatass membership cause it wasn’t working for me and pulled the stepper I have right up to the TV. I cranked the heat up in the house to 75 degrees, put on heavy clothes and for two hours a day I sweated like R Kelly in pretrial hearings. Andrea would look at me and say, “You look like you just got out of a shower with all of your clothes on”, I was that soaking wet BUT in three days I dropped 13 pounds.
I told someone else what I did and they said, “You lost 13 pounds in 3 days? That’s unhealthy” but that person didn’t say “Sean, I see you gained some weight, that’s unhealthy” so here’s my question to you. Which one is worse, gaining 30 pounds and making your BP go up OR…OR….OR losing 13 pounds in 3 days and getting back on track? And before you answer and say a doctor will say such and such let me remind you doctors are not experts, they PRACTICE medicine. Show me one doctor who “experts” medicine and then we can talk.
My new goal is to drop 30 pounds in 30 days. Is it healthy, no healthier than gaining 30 in 30 so sue me. But in the end I will drop the weight because on Thanksgiving my wagon will be pulling up to someone’s corral so that I can give thanks to the food I will be eating... MOOOO