One of Andrea’s best friends is getting married this year and we are excited for her!! Nichole was a HUGE help to Andrea at our wedding and she asked her to help with her wedding. Andrea was excited to say YES of course!!!! Andrea then hit me with something I wasn’t expecting. “Nichole thinks of you as her big brother and wants to know if you will be a part of the wedding?” Before I could stop my mouth from speaking what my brain had thought I said, “HELL YEAH!!! I would love to do it but I ain’t wearin no dress!
I’ve been in a wedding or two and I have DJ’d tons of weddings. I have NEVER seen a dude standing in the bridal party SO I have questions….lotsa questions.
If I am to be a part of your wedding entourage what exactly is my role, my title? What’s the male version of bridesmaid, Bridesbutler? If that’s not a thing does that make me a Groomsmaid? If am to be a Bridesbutler does that mean I am cleaning up after you? Ima let you know now I am more a Benson type of dude than Farnsworth Bentley so there will be more side eye than “yessuhmassabosssuh”
Am I supposed to help you with your make up? I am pretty good with a paint brush. I did paint our bedroom recently so I am pretty sure I can slap some base coat clear coat on with no problem. Whassup with nails? The only way I know how to do nails is bite them off and let them grow again so this could present a problem. Oh just so you know….I don’t do toes. I just let them break off. I know ya’ll glue fake ones on so I can bring the gorilla glue at the very least. What about your hair? I haven’t done Syds hair in eight years so if you need me to flat iron your hair Ima need some practice.
Lord Jesus please don’t ask me to help pick out the wedding gown. That is going to be SOOO uncomfortable and I don’t think Andrea is going to be cool with me around half nekkid women hollerin “Oooh gurl that’s pretty, shows your buzums good.” If you don't mind, I'll wait outside in the truck.
Am I supposed to be a part of the bridal shower, never been to one so what do ya’ll do at one? If I have to come can I bring a dude to help me maintain my testosterone levels? Do ya’ll do lady talk about dudes? If so, and I can bring a friend, can we do women talk? Would that be inappropriate?
I read something about this shower is really about presents for the bride. I’m a dude…ummm what exactly can I bring that is not going to make me look perverted or creepy?
I also read that the bride gets the bridal party a thank you gift for all of their hard work. I’m cool with that but remember, you can’t buy one size fits all gifts. You have a bridesbutler. Ima need something…..dudely ok, some Tims, a Camaro, something, OK???
At the wedding do you want me to hold flowers like the other bridesmaids? That’s kinda awkward. Can I at least hold a hammer or screwdriver?
One last thing. I AM NOT GOING TO THE BACHOLRETTE PARTY!!!! I don’t want nothing dangling around me AT ALL!!!
Seriously though, thank you Nichole for asking me to be a part of you and Troy's big day. I am excited to be there with you two and will do ANYTHING you need!!!